A Cuban resident in the United States, identified as @dallanayroman on TikTok, has gone viral after sharing a powerful message that has struck a chord in the Cuban community: “If you want to maintain a good relationship with your family in Cuba, keep them there!”. In her video, which has garnered over a thousand comments, she claims that as long as they receive “a little treat, some sandals, a hundred bucks, and things like that,” the relationship is going well. But when you bring them to live with you, she warns, “everything could come to an end.”
Dallanay explains that when they arrive in the United States, many family members come with unrealistic expectations, believing that they don’t need to work and that they will continue to be supported. “When you tell them that they have to help you, that they need to work, that’s when everything goes wrong,” she claims. Based on her experience, “98% of the families” who bring their relatives from the island end up in conflict. For her, maintaining distance is often the best way to preserve harmony.
The reactions were swift and filled the post with testimonials. “I brought them all here, and now none of them talk to me,” shared one user. “It cost me my marriage,” said another. “I was almost thrown out of my own house,” recounted one more. In contrast, some shared positive experiences: “My friend and his wife have been living with me for seven months, and I have no complaints; they are very hardworking and help me with everything.” However, the majority of the comments confirmed that the experience of bringing relatives usually proves to be more challenging than it seems.
There were also those who remembered that not all stories have a bad ending. “Not everyone is like that”, someone wrote. “There are those who come and from the first day want to work, help, and move forward.” Others asked not to generalize, pointing out that each family is different and that there are also situations where the newcomer is the one who suffers mistreatment. Still, Dallanay's testimony resonated with a large part of the community living outside of Cuba.
The author of the video, rather than retracting her statement, calmly responded to her critics: “It’s harsh and sad, but it’s real.” Her message has become a starting point for a wide-ranging debate on long-distance family relationships, the conflicting expectations between those who stay and those who emigrate, and the invisible sacrifices of many Cubans abroad. As one follower summed it up: “Family, once a year and through photos.”
Frequently Asked Questions about Cuban Emigration and Family Relations in the United States
Why do some Cubans in the United States advise against bringing relatives from Cuba?
Many Cubans in the United States recommend not bringing family members from Cuba due to their unrealistic expectations about life abroad. Upon arrival, some relatives expect to be supported without working, which creates tensions and conflicts at home. Dallanay's experience on TikTok highlights that living together can lead to the breakdown of family relationships.
What challenges do Cuban family members face upon arriving in the United States?
Cuban families face challenges such as the high cost of living, the need to find employment, and adapting to a new cultural and economic system. Furthermore, they must contribute economically to the household that hosts them, which can be a source of conflict if they do not manage to settle in quickly.
Why does the practice of sending aid to family members in Cuba continue?
Sending help to family members in Cuba is seen as an act of love and responsibility by many Cubans in the diaspora. Despite the criticisms and logistical challenges, they prioritize the well-being of their loved ones on the island, ensuring they have the basics they need.
What impact do remittances have on Cuban families?
Remittances have a significant impact on the quality of life of families in Cuba. They serve to meet basic needs in a context of economic scarcity, becoming a crucial support for many families who depend on these transfers from abroad.
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